Let It Blurt

A few things on my mind lately. Some good, mostly bad.

Transplants in NYC
Yeah, I know. That’s like 4 out of 5 people lately. They’re also the same people to say, “You live in Jersey. Gross.” Look, I know New Jersey has a bad rep. But moving away from your bumblefuck home in Ohio to one of the five boroughs in NYC gives no one the right to look down on NJ. If you think you’re cooler than everyone else cause you now live in NYC, you’re not. You’re just paying more money to live than you would’ve back home. I think the going edict should be, unless you’ve lived somewhere for a substantial amount of time, you don’t really have a right to cast judgement on it. But that’s just me.

What kinda stuff do porn stars get to write off on their income tax returns? Lube? Boob jobs? Vaginal rejuvenation surgery? I haven’t a clue, but as tax season nears, I’ve been thinking that it would be awesome to profile an accountant for porn stars. In lieu of the accountant profile that will never happen, I’m currently writing a one-act play called ‘The Auditing of Peter North.’

The value of a parking spot in WNY exceeded the value of the current American dollar last week, provoking the first incident of “Quadruple Parking” I’ve encountered in the U.S. On a two-lane street with ample parking on each side, I witnessed dual double-parking on both sides of the road last week, completely blocking any traffic from moving in either direction. I still can’t push the beeping and chaos that ensued out of my head. Now you know why I ride my bike everywhere.

While in the supermarket last week, Feist came on. (The 1, 2, 3, 4 song from those iPod commercials last year.) And it got me thinking of good Onion-esque headlines. The best of which was, ‘Black Person Attends Feist Concert, Riot Ensues.’ (Don’t get mad if you’re of African American descent, I just think nothing denotes inherent, snooty whiteness more than Feist….)

The Walk Away
I forgot where I read this, but the gist of it was, amid an uninteresting conversation with someone, be it friend, neighbor or chiropractor, just walk away without saying anything and see what happens next time you see said person. Remarkably, Seinfeld never tackled it. So, if you’re reading this, try it and see what happens. And no, this should not be taken as a dig against chiropractors.

Disciplinary Architecture
The study of architecture which is designed to keep skateboards, bikes, inliners and people that want to simply sit down off of them. The fact that it’s even got a name makes me bummed. Check out this sad gallery.

That’s it. Go live your life now if you made it this far…

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