The Battle of the Tennis Court

Once upon a time, about ten years ago, I was riding flatland in some tennis courts. There were two tennis courts next to one another, surrounded by a fence that was approximately 15-feet high. I was riding midday, and the park in which the tennis courts were located was completely empty.

About an hour into the session, two men approached the courts wanting to play tennis. I took this as my cue to leave and continue riding at the nearby basketball courts, but the would-be tennis players weren’t having it. They quickly approached me, asked “What the fuck do you think you’re doing in here?” and tried to get in my face to provoke a fight.

“This is for tennis only bitch,” the one man said.

“Which is why I was about to leave as soon as I saw you guys coming in here,” I replied.

“Well, get the fuck out before we kick your ass you little bitch,” the other one said.

I took the hint and started leaving. Two gigantic tennis players against me and a chrome Hoffman EP wasn’t a good match. As I exited the tennis court gates, I heard, “Keep walking pussy.”

I kept walking, but this wasn’t over. The session may have been dead (cause I would’ve been re-thinking different ways I could’ve handled the situation instead of concentrating on riding, which I hate), but some kinda action needed to be taken. And if I couldn’t win in a fight, then I’d have to at least figure out a way to ruin their session. Then it hit me.

There was only one way in and out of the tennis courts, through the gated entrance. Again, the surrounding fence was approximately 15-feet high. So I went to my car, put my bike away and retrieved my U-lock. After waiting about 10 minutes, I walked back over to the tennis courts with my U-lock. The two jocks were playing on the court further away from the entrance, so they didn’t notice me approaching. Carefully, I unlocked the u-lock, draped it around the gated entrance and locked the gate shut. Then I casually left the park, went home and relaxed knowing that justice had, or would, be served. Two bullies, locked inside a gated tennis court by the person they had just tried to beat up less than an hour ago.

After an hour of sitting around, I just had to know what had happened to the jocks. So I rode down to the courts for a look-see. The lock was still in place, but the jocks were gone. Their belongings were still in the court, but they weren’t. I assume they realized what happened and were forced to climb the fence to get out. Hopefully, they were cursing me the entire time they spent scaling up and down the fence.

The lesson I took away: Know how, when and with what to pick your battles, and never be afraid to sacrifice your U-lock…

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