Silent Bob 1974-2007


RED BANK (AP) -Robert Blutarsky, affectionately known as ‘Silent Bob‘ to friends and family alike, whose fondness for the eccentricities of loitering throughout Monmouth county, the original Star Wars trilogy and homemade electronics experiments was woven into a lifetime of blunts and adventure, died Friday at the age of 33.

According to lifelong friend Jason ‘Jay’ Derris, Blutarsky succumbed to lung cancer at Riverview Hospital in Red Bank. “Tubby bitch went in his sleep,” said Derris, who referred to Blutarsky as his “hetero life-mate,” before further adding, “I ain’t gay.”

Blutarsky first entered public notoriety in 1997, when his likeness was used in the Oni Press comic series ‘Bluntman and Chronic.’ Created by longtime friends Holden Macneil and Banky Edwards, the ‘Bluntman and Chronic’ series depicted Blutarsky, along with Derris, as marijuana dealers that win the lottery, become superheroes, battle fictional villians and smoke copious amounts of marijuana along the way. The short-lived series quickly rose to notoriety for its flagrant depiction of marijuana use, marijuana paraphernalia and abject sexual references. After passing on an MTV animated series, the comic book was transformed into a major motion picture, which unfortunately flopped at the box office in 2001.

In the time since, Blutarsky had been drifting between rehabilitation, loitering at Mooby’s fast food restaurant and a newfound interest in Catholicism before ultimately investing money in the redevelopment of Quick Stop and RST Video at 58 Leonard Avenue in the Leonardo section of Middletown, NJ.

Blutarsky was born August 2, 1974 in Red Bank, NJ. As a student at Henry Hudson High School in Highlands, NJ, Blutarsky excelled in electronics, eventually winning regional science fairs for transforming household appliances into compact disc players using chicken wire and assorted tools. In between electronic experiments, Blutarsky enjoyed watching the Star Wars trilogy, the Indiana Jones trilogy and early John Hughes films along with Derris, whom he had befriended as a toddler. The two ultimately left Hudson Regional before graduating, opting for a carefree existence that included loitering, explicit drug use and petty theft. Blutarsky dated a woman for a brief time known simply as ‘Amy.’ “That bitch drove Lunchbox crazy,” said Derris.

After the breakup, Blutarsky never dated again. He had aspirations to become a dancer in Las Vegas, but instead chose Chicago after leaving New Jersey for a brief tenure. Blutarsky, along with Derris, were, according to friend Bethany Sloane, in search of the town Shermer, Illinois, made famous in such John Hughes films as Weird Science and The Breakfast Club. The two returned to New Jersey shortly after discovering that Shermer, Illinois was a fictional location.

In 2001, Blutarsky, along with Derris, again left New Jersey destined for Hollywood, CA. Along the way, the two were implicated in a diamond heist in Boulder, Colorado, but were ultimately cleared of all charges. In 2005, Blutarsky was arrested for possession of marijuana and was sentenced to six months of rehabilitation. During Blutarsky’s rehabilitation, he re-connected with his spirituality, embracing Catholicism, the religion he was raised upon. After leaving rehab, Blutarsky, along with Derris, returned to loitering, enjoying cult classic movies such as ‘Silence of the Lambs’ and the reconstruction project in Leonardo. A smoker for the past twenty years, Blutarsky contracted lung cancer earlier this year.

Blutarsky, known throughout Monmouth County as ‘Silent Bob,’ made a lasting impression on all those whose lives he touched. His distinguishing features, that of heavy smoking, black trench coat (enlongated by a foot of extra fabric) and backwards baseball cap, became his trademark, along with his penchant for silence, which was only rarely broken by punctuated bouts of wisdom and off-kilter movie quotes. “There’s a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But, they don’t all bring you lasagna at work. Most of ’em just cheat on you,” said Blutarsky in 1994. In 1997, he quoted the George Lucas film The Empire Strikes Back to Derris, citing “Adventure, excitement? Jedi craves not these things.”

Blutarsky loved the music of Barbara Streisand, The Time, King Diamond and Q Lazzarus. He studied copyright and likeness laws in his spare time and at times, believed he possessed the powers of a ‘Jedi Knight,’ the global protectors of good in the Star Wars trilogy. He often stored humorous articles in his trademark trench coat, including inflatable sex dolls, sex toys and a Batman grappling gun.

Blutarsky’s life was ultimately plagued by the breakup of his only girlfriend, Amy. In a rare diatribe sometime in 1997, he told Bluntman and Chronic creator Macneil about his regrets, stating “I’ve spent every day since then chasing Amy…”

He is survived by hetero life-mate Jay Derris, and brother-in-law Rick Derris of Highlands, NJ.

A private funeral will be held next Friday in Leonardo, NJ. Blutarsky’s remains are to be cremated and delivered to Derris, who plans on returning to the Quick Stop, rolling a blunt with Blutarsky’s remains and smoking the joint amongst friends and family in the exact place where Blutarsky once loitered on a regular basis.

“The fuckin’ mack daddys of fuckin’ Jersey are gonna get nootched one last time,” said Jay. “BOOOONG,” he added.

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