Frank Ricard’s Imaginary World

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16 minutes and 30 seconds into Old School, the poster for ‘Mitch-A-Palooza’ is shown, reading “Thursday, 9PM, Live Music, Beer.”

One minute later, Frank The Tank is cornered by soon-to-be pledges of their fraternity. The boys mistakenly think the house belongs to Frank, then offer him a beer bong. He refuses, telling the boys, “I told my wife I wouldn’t drink. Besides, I have a big day tomorrow.”

One of the boys asks, “A big day? Doing what?”

To which Frank The Tank replies, “Well, uh, actually a pretty nice Saturday. We’re gonna go to Home Depot, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath and Beyond, I don’t know if we’ll have enough time.”

So my question is this, if Mitch-A-Palooza is on a Thursday night, and Frank The Tank is purportedly not supposed to drink because he has a busy Saturday planned with his newlywed wife, then whatever happened to Frank The Tank’s Friday?

Following Mitch-A-Palooza, Frank The Tank is caught streaking by his wife. He’s ushered into the car, and assumably brought home by his wife, who somehow makes haphazard but steadfastly quick plans to see what I’m assuming is an emergency “come whenever the necessity arises” marriage counselor. Obviously, the Home Depot, Bed, Bath and Beyond trip never happens. But another question arises, how in the hell does one make ‘day of’ plans to see a counselor of any type? Those appointments take weeks to get, not seconds.

Later on, following the marriage counselor scene, Mitch Martin is attending to a meeting with his boss. The meeting is interrupted by his boss’s daughter, Darcy, whom Mitch had slept with the previous night, just after Mitch-A-Palooza. The boss asks Darcy, “How was the slumber party?” To which she answers, “Great, you know, movies, popcorn,” all the while trying to pretend as if nothing had happened between her and Mitch just a few short hours before. Later, it comes out that she’s a high school senior. Again, I’m left wondering. Who in the world of high school slumber parties schedules said parties on school nights?

I know there’s no real answers for any of this, but wouldn’t it be nice to live in a world where one can skip the minutia of going to Home Depot, get straight to the beer drinking, visit counselor’s on a whim and know in their heart that teenage girls can have slumber parties any night of the week that they goddamn want to….

A man can dream, right?

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