Land Line, Static and The Broken Bridge

I’ve got two problems with life this week: the phone company and static electricity. Both issues I think everyone experiences from one time to another throughout life.

Imagine the following scenario. You pay good money for a land line phone and the service stops working. Now you can report the problem one of two ways: by using your mobile phone’s minutes to call the problem in, or by visiting the Verizon website to report the problem and schedule a repair visit. It doesn’t take a bargain hunter to realize which is the better choice, right? So I report the problem online, and schedule a repair visit for this past Saturday morning. I wait and wait around, but Verizon doesn’t call or visit. And since their service department is only open during the week, there was no way to report the issue til today. I call on my mobile phone and cancel my service. It takes approximately 17 minutes on my mobile phone to walk through the process of why I am opting to cancel my land line service with Verizon. And, as luck would have it, there’s no option to cancel service through the Verizon website. Essentially, I was paying Verizon to screw me, so I opted out of the equation.

Static electricity, not so simple to escape, unless you really want to remove the carpeting from the top floor of your house. In the past, I’ve accepted it as a mild by-product of the electric-infused carpeting in my room, but that ended last week. Allow me to explain: I walked across my room and sat down in front of my computer. I brought my hand near the track pad, but before I could touch it, a bolt of electric current shot out of my finger onto the track pad. Ever since then, my track pad is acting as if its working its way through a large dose of coke, doing all kinds of weird dances and moving a mile a minute. But it doesn’t end there. The current’s getting stronger every time I turn the lamp in my room on, to the point that I’m making that poignantly verbose pause before I attempt to touch the knob. Had I better control over poor customer service in regards to being an awesome conductor of electricity within my room, I would’ve gladly called the 800 number on my mobile phone to cancel the strange power I possess, but self-imbibed static electricity is still free (and uncontrollable) in this day and age.
I don’t really know where I’m going with this. I just know that I’d gladly pay money to be able to turn off mine own static electricity, and also that I’m tired of paying money to large communication corporations that willingly screw me.

“Customer service, how can I help you?”
“Yeah, I wanna cancel my static electricity. It almost killed my computer….”
“You do realize you could’ve canceled this service online, right?”

In my dreams perhaps….

Which reminds me of one from a previous night in the not so distant past. I’m in Austin, TX, attempting to cross a pedestrian bridge over a river a few hundred feet below. The bridge is impassible. There’s an beginning and an end, but no middle. Unsure of the time it took for me to extrapolate a solution, I somehow devised a plan which allowed me to hang from my feet off the beginning of the bridge, and somehow grab the end of the bridge with my hands. I swung across to the end of the bridge, pulled myself up onto the parapet, finished the walk to the end of the bridge and began my descent into the valley below.

Suddenly, static electricity and poor customer service don’t seem like much of a challenge anymore. There are ways across broken bridges. There are ways.

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