Phuckin *ild grammar!

So my phone broke the other night. Not in the ramshackle way you’d expect though. Technically, it still works in that I can make phone calls, send text messages and get online, but it’s handicapped itself in a way that’s made me re-condition the way I think, write and punctuate.
Here’s the problem: the keyboard on my phone (yes, I have a keyboard on my phone, it’s a Sidekick 2) opted to stop working to a small degree, meaning that it won’t let me type a period, the number 2 or the letters, F, W, O and X. Not a big deal really, right?
Unfortunately, it’s a very big deal, as I’m quickly realizing how much of what I type as text messages and instant messages has to do with the letters F, W and O. And the lack of a period, well, where to begin? I’ve been a staunch supporter of proper punctuation for years now, and the past few days have me throwing period-less sentences left and right. Or I do something even worse in an effort to use a closing piece of punctuation; I use an exclamation point for sentences that aren’t necessarily toned with excitement. It seriously pains me to act in such a way, but I hate a period-less statement almost as much as, well, I don’t know, I just hate doing it. So until my phone gets replaced, my text and instant messaging capabilities are going to be ace if I’m asking “Are there drinks available at the party?,” but sour if I’m stating, “Hey, *e’re g0ing t0 0rder a phew m0vies fr0m Netphlicks, *hat m0vies d0 yu *ant?” (That translates into, “Hey, we’re going to order a few movies from Netflix. What movies do you want?”) So you see, I’ve got a problem that my grammatically-trained brain needs fixed fast, else I’m going to fall into a state of lazy, text/instant message infused shorthand, and though I’m in touch with youth culture, I’m really not ready to do that just yet.
Currently, the battle rages on with T-Mobile over sending me a new phone free of charge, and til the white flag is raised, my brain is burning midnight oil searching for alternate ways to get around words that use W, F and O. I’ve devised a few ways. F becomes ‘Ph,’ and instead of asking, ‘Wanna join me?,’ I now ask, ‘Care t0 j0in me?’ I know, it’s horrible, but it’s made me realize that there are far too few letters in the English alphabet, and that I also depend on a choice few way too much, and others not nearly enough.
Here’s your test: Try not using the letter ‘W’ in a two-hour time span and see how far you get….

If all this seems like I’m losing my mind, blame the weather. I really just need to be able to go outside without freezing anymore. Spring, *hen r yu g0ing t0 arrive? Im g0ing phuckin crazy!

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