REMIND ME NEVER TO POSE FOR PHOTOS WITH ANY WILD BABY ANIMALS BEFORE GETTING THE OK FROM YOU IN ADVANCE…

Bob: “So what do you think of all this Michael Jackson crap going on?”

Tim: “Bob, it’s fucking TV tabloid shit. I DON’T think about it.”

Bob: “Yeah, I know that, but surely you have an opinion on it one way or the other, right?”

Tim: “Well, yeah, but you know, I just needed to get that out of the way.”

Bob: “Get what out of the way?”

Tim: “That I’m not sitting at home and waiting for Michael Jackson’s every move to get analyzed by cable news.”

Bob: “Of course, so do you have an opinion on then?”

Tim: “Yeah, but you’re not going to like it…”

Bob: “Why?”

Tim: “Because my opinion is derived from a feeling I stumbled upon in the ‘Thriller’ days of Michael Jackson.”

Bob: “Now you’ve lost me.”

Time: “Did you have the gatefold LP of ‘Thriller?'”

Bob: “No, I had the cassette.”

Tim: “Well, bear with me then. The gatefold LP opened up to reveal Michael Jackson reclined on the floor, with, like, a baby tiger or some shit sitting next to him. I don’t remember the exact situation, but it was him and a tiger or some sort of wild cat stretched out, with a printed signature from Michael Jackson alongside the whole thing.”

Bob: “And this makes you think he’s guilty of touching little boys?”

Tim: “Not exactly, but I do remember being a little kid, and being real psyched on the ‘Thriller’ album, and then opening the gatefold to reveal that picture, and I distinctly remember being spooked out by the picture the first time I laid my eyes upon it. And from that moment on, I’ve always thought that there’s something not right about Michael Jackson. He was trying to be pretend to be mysterious in this superficial way, and I guess I read right through that and thought that he must be trying to hide something.”

Bob: “You do realize that your theory is based on a pop singer posing with a wild baby animal, don’t you?”

Tim: “Yeah, but I was a kid, and everyone was telling me that I was supposed to like this pop singer, and then I felt something that told me something there wasn’t right, so I stopped liking him. And then I ultimately decided some time during the Michael Jackson ‘Man in the Mirror’ era that there definitely was something wrong with the dude, and it all came to me because I didn’t like one picture of a pop singer with a baby tiger.”

Bob: “So you think he’s touching little boys, and feeding them liquor and making them watch porn all because he may have liked posing with baby tigers over 20 years ago?”

Tim: “No, like I said, I just got a bad feeling about the guy from that photo, and I ran with it. Haven’t you ever gotten a bad feeling about a person before?”

Bob: “Yeah, but it’s usually after meeting them and realizing that they’re an asshole. I’ve never decided that someone was a supposed child molester because of a staged photo taken much before the fact.”

Tim: “I told you that you wouldn’t like my theory.”

Bob: “No, I’m just intrigued by it. I will tell you this though: Remind me never to pose for photos with any wild baby animals before getting the OK from you in advance….”

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