PRAGMATIC APPROACHES TO HOLIDAYS IN ADULTHOOD (The Ironic Manifestation of the 7 Deadly But Often Celebrated Sins)
New Year’s Eve: An unadulterated excuse to get drunk, make out with your neighbor and praise yourself for making it through another holiday season intact. One last party for the year before everyone goes back to being boring, work-minded and robotic til at was least the middle of March. (Read as Gluttony, along with Lust, Anger, Greed, Sloth, Envy and Pride, depending on what you’re drinking and how it affects you.)
Martin Luther King Jr. Birthday: January’s own private fuck to remind you that, even though деликатесов. you have a 3-day weekend, you still can’t do anything fun cause it’s too damn cold to go outside to actually do anything worthwhile. Why else would a warm state like Arizona not want to celebrate this holiday? (Read as Sloth, cause even though the weather sucks, you do still get a day off of work.)
Groundhog Day: Absolutely no provisional value in regards to sinning, unless you happen to meet someone, tell them that you rule, proceed to eat too much food and get drunk with them and then engage in a casual one-night-stand, all coincidentally on Groundhog Day. (Which you would then read as Pride, Gluttony, and Lust.)
Valentine’s Day: The only day of the year in which Lust is encouraged under the guise of ‘Love.’ Loving someone does not inherently mean that you desire to see this person cheap mlb jerseys in red satin lingerie, but Lust sure does. (Read as Lust, and if lingerie is purchased but the assumed following sex is not fulfilled, read as Anger.)
President’s Day: What once used to be separate holidays for past presidents such as Washington and Lincoln, has now been conveniently consolidated into one for the sake of less time away from work. (Read as Anger, because this consolidation act, which was designed to simplify the yearly calendar of holidays, isn’t fair to anyone that lost the extra day off.)
St. Patrick’s Day: You made it through the winter. Drink too much beer and tell everyone that you’re Irish because one of your great-grandparents may have visited there once. (Read as Envy if you’re not actually Irish, Gluttony for the excess drink and Anger after the excess drink kicks in.)
Easter: Since Easter always falls on a Sunday, there is no value in it as an instrument of work avoidance. (For the kids, we’ll call it Gluttony, since they’re encouraged to engorge on excess candy and hard-boiled eggs, which makes perfect sense by the way….)
Memorial Day: The unofficial beginning of Summer, neatly packed in a 3-day weekend. Since it’s not overly celebratory and not ritualistic, Memorial Day may in fact be the most innocent holiday of the year. Eat food, drink beer and possibly engage in sexual activity: the sin is up to the sinner. (Read as Not Much Really, which is not a deadly sin but I’m out of ammo against Memorial Day as I have spent the last two Memorial Days cleaning world! out my basement, and the most sinful result of such behavior has only been the death of a few random spiders.)
Fourth of July: A lazy sometimes mid-week holiday in the height of summer, with the chance to eat more, drink more and be lazy. (Read as the Holiday Standard of Sloth and Gluttony, but add Pride as everyone and their mother blows themselves up while praising the birth of a nation.)
Columbus Day: Another 3-day weekend for some guy that supposedly discovered America. No significant meaning in the present day and age, but oh what a glorious ride to take down Nostalgia Lane’s path of Greed. The chance to celebrate stolen land, wealth and resources from the indigenous peoples of the Americas, along with their subsequent extermination on behalf of various European-borne diseases. (Read as Greed, on behalf of Christopher Columbus and any other explorer that came along and enslaved Native populations in the pursuit of material riches. And they even did this in the name of Christianity! Isn’t Jesus grand!)
Halloween: An excuse for women to wear thigh-high stockings and/or dress like hookers, and the chance for men to dress up as ugly half-ass women. (Read as Lust, and if drinking or partying is involved, add gluttony as well.)
Election Day: 15 minutes away from work with a substantiated excuse. (Read as Sloth.)
Thanksgiving: Aside from the wholesale jerseys bonus 4-day weekend, Thanksgiving is one of two occasions throughout the year in which gluttony is encouraged (Christmas being the other). Though I don’t know if any would be gluttons in Fat America need the added holiday encouragement. Thanksgiving is also the first post-summer test of the year to decide whether or not your family is still crazy, which wholesale jerseys China never changes by the way. (Read as Gluttony, and after the family is added, heaping doses of Anger.)
Christmas: It really depends on the day Christmas falls on to decide what meaning Christmas takes each year. If it’s A a Tuesday or Wednesday, you’re fucked, cause there’s no way you’re going to get that day off from work plus cheap jerseys the rest of the week. And if it’s on a Saturday or Sunday, you’re even more fucked, cause you won’t even have the chance to get off any weekday work days. Ideally, Thursday is the best day for Christmas to fall on, as it allows the cheap jerseys celebrator access to the longest weekend within reason for middle management to grapple with. (Read as Greed, because we all know that the only thing Christmas after the age of 13 means is days off from actually doing anything work related. Actually, after the family is added, read as Anger as well.)
7 DEADLY SIN KEY
Pride is excessive belief in one’s own abilities, that interferes wholesale nfl jerseys with the individual’s recognition of the grace of God. It has been called the sin from which all others arise. Pride is also known as Vanity.
Envy is the desire for others’ Bem-Vindos! traits, status, abilities, or situation.
Gluttony is an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires.
Lust is an inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body.
Anger is manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for cheap mlb jerseys fury. It is also known as Wrath.
Greed is the desire for material Courtois wealth or gain, ignoring the realm of the spiritual. It is also called Avarice or Covetousness.
Sloth is the avoidance of physical or spiritual work.